I dont know why I am not bothered at all.  Today is Saturday and tomorrow is Sunday and the next day will be Monday. I have so many assignments now. I felt that Im grounded. I cant even get out of our house. Naku! I dont know ah. Mrs. Atienza still pissed me off. Im out to get you bitch. Your so lucky that Im not on ur doorstep to kick you up. To be continue.. Need to go :D:D:D

July 23, 2008 :))

      Ive been so very busy kya I only got a chance today to edit this one. :)) So what can I say? There are so many things that really bothered me a lot.

1) Social Studies Notebook
    - I dont even have a good sleep this week. I started at 4 in the afternoon and I finished it at 4:45 am. Daaammmnnn! Mrs. Atienza is really a monster. Naku! I felt so tired na nga to your subject eh. And reality check nga 0.3 units ka lng at hati hati pa kayo ng MAKABAYAN kya dont pissed me off.

2) Filipino
   - Naku, Filipino is really pissing me off. Why cant I understand very malalim terms. And then my teacher will approach us in a VERY NICE WAY! leche. "Nakarating kayo ng 4th year ng di nyo alam ang kahulugan ng blahblah." Malay ko ba.

To be continue again :)) Need to sleep.

        I arrived at West at exactly 6:30 am. Kinda irritated because of the happenings last night. I felt so nervous because of our reporting in Suck-ial Studies (Social Studies). Ughhh, I really hate this subject and Mrs. Atienza really pissed me off a while ago. Eff nya X-(. She called me up and then I stand up and had my report. In the middle of my reporting she told me to go back to my sit cause she hate students who had their reading class while reporting. Wtf? Me? Reading my report? Epal ka. Im only looking at my outline. OUTLINE! Do you know the meaning of outline? My God! What is the use of my visuals if I will not use it? This scenerio really force me to hate school. Then you told me to report again my topic with my shaky voice and watery eyes. Anu ka ba?!? But then I still won cause I answered up all your questions and I didnt cry in the middle of the class. Your not worth it. You dont even memorized our lessons. And you know what, mali mali ung iba mong sinasbi. You said that it came from the book, but the book says not =)) Lucky me Nigger. About the Math thinggy, I only got 31 out of 39 because I dont have labels. Sa pagkakaalam if the label is indicated in the questions there's no need na isulat pa. But I was wrong. Okay, baby girl! =)))))))))))

        Okay, I know that this thing is baaaddd. You know what, Im jealous. Okay, eff me. :(  I saw their pictures a while ago and it was like Earth fell on me without knowing Im under her gravity. My heart is melting now, ugghh, I think its frozen not melting. Gawd! what will i do? Im soo close to depression but I dont want to. Ughh, wasted life. :( Yes, Im affected. what more can I say? Why am I affected, we are not commited btw? Dont ask. I felt strange also. :|

      Yeah, right. If my parents will see this blog post.. this might be the end of my wasted life. Good for me? not so. I still look for the brighter side of my life :) Im trying to be happy kya. Im happy naman a while ago its just when I saw those damn pictures. I dont know what's your plan God, but is it right that you would hurt me in that way? or you just wanna take me to a clear realization of my life? I know I shouldnt act like this. But what can I do? Im soo tired of this game. Waited for 2 years, blah. Just drop it. If i have waited for two years, why cant I make it 4,8 or 10. What if I got tired? What if it didnt came the way I see it? What if he didnt find me at all? What if he cant remember me? What if after all the happy moments that I thought Im with him is not really him? So many what ifs but I cant find the right answer. Im too young for love and too old for games.

     What else? Nothing. Im hella stupid. I cant find the logic. God placed our heart under our mind so our mind is the superior. Eff..eff..eff. So it means that I should decide first If I had a better heart than a better mind? What the? Okay, this thing is pointless so I'll just drop it and trust in destiny and with God. All things will surely fall on their right place. I hope.

         Hey there July! I miss my blog ah. So Im just here to promote my multiply :)). I'll post my other posts soon :).

         Milrose add mo ko sa multiply ah. I wanna know if your still alive. =)))))))))))))) It been so long na :(.

              The scenes are all wrong timing. Its almost one month of my senior year in high school and things are really nagging me off. Pssshhhh, let me get this thing clear. As I always say, people are always people and you cant blame them for being lame. But ugghhh, she should'nt act that way. You know, we know and all of us know that its your fault and we, I mean, I am really blaming you. You done it again and all I can say is wow. Wanna have your own standing ovation? HAHAHA :)). Okay, fine. I know this is wrong. I know it is wrong to hate you in that way.  But you really made things complicated between three or should I say all the people around you. You should know how to keep your mouth shut especially when it comes to other people's life and relationship. Why I am affected? Its because your taking all the people in to daze. YEAH, I AM SO PISSED OFF. Call me plastic na cause Im treating you in a good way eventhough I really hate you. The thing is I dont wanna be hard and rude to others. I know that our classmates dont like you na and I wanna get in the load. I hate your acts but not you. So if ever you need someone, I am still here. But please know your limitations as a friend. Dont pushed yourself as a victim cause you'll never be. And you know why. Ugghh, I dont wanna get in a drama again. Too much for a melancholic drama queen. You are more than me. I know that if ever you'll read this something will caught your heart out. But for me, it is your time to realize what's wrong. Please dont use your family as an excuse. You dont have nothing to do about it. A broken family will never be complete again without a good collaboration of your mom and dad. You always say that, "Im like this cause were broken family.. Im like this because my mom.. my dad" and whatsoever. I know I should'nt talk about this I dont know what do you feel cause in the first place we are not broken family but you should have to be considerate to others. So you mean that your attitude will always be like that except when your mom and your dad will be together again? Please, dear dont be so hard to yourself. You know what you make the bad times roll on our section now. And I am so sorry for you. Please change that bad attitude. I know that Im not perfect but I know that Im changing for the better. :) I am keepig this words and feeling so strong. Good thing, I had someone to talk to.. MY BLOG! =)))))))))

     Im rambling again. Im gonna be okay, I already promised it to myself. I've already work on to "choosing to be happy". This week, duh! I was back to my kablam days. But here I am, short-tempered and hot-headed maybe a little selfish and emotional this week. Im ready to give my snap. Random? Nooo. Why I feel so angry? I dont know. I really need a break cause it seems like my head is going to explode. I need to clear my mind and that thing pissed me off. Im not in the mood to use my blog right now cause I wanna kwento this story to them and to him but it seems like they are not ready to listen to me. I had a feeling that I'm cheated and you can never really guess why. School have my half life since then and I felt na there's nothing left for me. Ughhh, it doesnt mean that I hate school at all. Okay? So I just have it little by little. Pssshh, let me start the story here.  No one has any idea of what I've been going through for the past week. The past year, even. I'm on an emotional roller coaster ride. If I try letting go, even for a split second, I'm sure to fall off. Everything's been so crazy. Indescribable. Unpredictable. Unexpected. Decisions have been made, people have been played. Betrayal. Backstabbing. Failing. Falling. Surviving. Overcoming. I don't even know where to start.

-School-

            Ay ewan! When I was four, I started to recognize school little by little. But it didnt came to my mind that Im gonna hate it because of this rude teacher. Yes, that is you Mrs. Atienza. I dont know but it seems like you're a very insensitive person. You're more than a CAT teacher. We are force to be insensitive also. Apathy! Ano ba? I just cant find your logic why dont you want us  to laugh eventhough the scene is funny. You only want us to laugh when you make pa epal your ewan jokes. Damn! Damn! Damn! Sorry for the word. But this is what I feel. Did she experience to be a student? I hate you sooo much. I cant understand you. You really make me feel that a melancholic one can never be accepted by nation. Be considerate even a little please. Im dying to know what your purpose is but I dont wanna ask you why cause I know you'll answer me in a very nonsense answer, "gusto ko lng kayo matuto". Uggh..desperate, students are different now. Please take it. We want a friendly teacher for us to able to learn and enjoy school. But because your rude, the students are getting nervous and they have chills all over their body and they are force to study. But this learnings will only take a little room to learn because the whole room was occupied by fear. I know you cant read this one but Im just opening my heart out!!!!!!! We are not perfect but your not perfect too.

-Friends?-

           I thought.. Okay its only a stupid thought. But then I wanna finish this one now. Yeah, Im getting too lame now cause Im totally pissed off. I know that my friends are not perfect. I have so many friends in my previous years in West but only a few remain standing. I discovered soo many issue blahs. Well, eventhough some of them considered me as their friend (I considerd them too, k?) they shouldnt give a huge kick on my personal life. I didnt ask for some advices for my personal life ever since. And Im not giving my permission to anyone even to my close friends. Ano ba? If your my friend you'll just let me have my life no matter what. I dont wanna mention names because I dont want them to feel that Im angry to them. No, not at all. Im angry on their effin works not on them directly. Im not asking much really.

-Family-

        Im always the wrong one. My wants right now are actually what i need, i think. I think they cant understand me. As the days goes by Im starting to have my heart craving for architecture and interior designing course. But its malabo na, cause they disagree. I cant make them approve. I'll be forever hanging and frustated. Ugghh... wasted life! Im lifting this up to you God. I dont know what to do now. I dont wanna disappoint them but I want to be happy also. I want them realize that Im doing this for them. Please tell me your plan GOD. I know I'll find it soon. :). I want to be optimistic eventhough Im not happy at all.

-Him-

       I talked to Feb about this one. As usual, shared experiences. I cant post the image cause the conversation is too long. :(.  Feb asked me what if you like someone but then you discovered that he is taken. After you make papansin to him and offered everything him.HAHA! Desperate! So what can I say? Of course I'll be disappointed. Then Feb told me that she cant look to his eyes directly cause your afraid that he is thinking that your too ugly. I dont care. Is he handsome? HAHA! He is such a judgemental moron if ever. Then  he hold your hand and you got kilig and go gaga about that precious moments? So what can I do? Of course nothing, you cant bring back those times. HAHA! Well, that's Feb's. Mine, its complicated for me to explain cause I'll be in big trouble if ever I'll put his name here. Cause I know that his die hard fans will go hysterical again. But then LOVE conquers all :)).

           Its weekend now and Im kinda pissed. HAHA! Idk why is that people are becoming insensitive this day. I cant believe that this week is the 2nd week of classes cause it seems like hell. I almost cram everyday because of the bulk of assignments that was given by our monster teachers. Jesus! I felt so tired yesterday. Until now but I have all the mess that I should clean now. Its already 7:55 pm and I havent start yet. I feel so lazy. It rain so hard, oh come on! Typhoons will gonna raid Philippines and we will have our class suspended if ever. HAHA!

           I am planning to go to MOA this morning but my plans changed because Arby sent me a message about our friendster thinggy. HAHA! I had my adrenalin rush and I went back to pimping codes. HAHA! (excited?) =)). So I just went to Metropoint and found nothing. Duh! I still dont have my El Filibusterismo and my expandable folder. Gawd! Aja, can you buy me some? Aja, tira tira! *move your hands* HAHA! I love it, no further explanation, aryt?

         Yeah, that one was true. Idk but for me it is true. Sometimes I dont wanna believe in destiny cause I always have my second thoughts that I cant fight fate no matter how hard I try.

          Im currently pissed now. Wanna know why? Wanna know why? Wanna know why? Check this damn conversation between me and this stranger, a damn retard stranger. So I made her ym id visible so thet everyone can be aware of this effin being. HAHA! So that's her ym id, feel free to bash her off :)).

People will always be people. Sometimes a slinky :))

If this one is a vodka, we are sure to be drown! HAHA!

     Woah, Its been a week since I posted my last post. I guess:|:)) So I woke up at around 5:10 am cause I need to go to UP to pass my application.But I  woke up at around 5 so I only have 50 minutes to prepare myself. HAHA! Then I went to school at around 6 in the morning cause we will be going by batch. It is really a long wait. We went out the school around 9 am. Uggghhh, stupid West, so slow :)) We wait for the dry seal and for the stupid school principal's autograph. It really pissed me off. My gawd! We rode a jeepney for us to be able    to reach the MRT Station. I think we are in three batches. Then we bought tickets but my other classmates are sooo slow and they are kinda moon walking. Psshhh, we went first at the station cause they are so effin bagal. Then we met Regine's cousin in the station. The trip is so effin long. I feel so dizzy then. Then we saw Poveda we felt insecurities within ourselves cause Poveda is somehow between SM Megamall and Robinson.That is so unfair! Well, that's okay cause we are near SM Mall of Asia and Metropint Mall :)).

     When we reached Quezon Avenue, we took a jeep going to UP Campus. HAHA! The bridge..the bridge.. is falling down. :))

HER: hala! dito?
ME: oo
HER: baka malaglag ako
ME: edi sumampa ka ulit
HER: bka may ahas diyan?
ME: anu ka ba mary jane! hnd ka naman gagapangin ng ahas dyan. HAHA!

     I was like, hello jane! HAHA! We really fit ourselves into a the jeep. All the big and tall people sat on the alloted slots.The small ones are sitting on the big ones and others sat on the floor of the jeep and cling like on the jeepney monkeys. HAHA! So happy and so hot. Ate Jaja told us that the place was comfortable to stay with but when we arrived, the line was too long. So I got it! The place is comfortable when you get inside the Admin. HAHA! I went on the line but I saw my mom...Hey Mom! Then she got my application form and passed it for me. Lucky me nigger! HAHA! I also saw Loreign.HAHA! Filipino time tlaga.I went around the campus then I saw Aldin and then I came with them to pay for the fee. Woah! The line in the Landbank was so long. Then all the machines went offline. BOO-HOO! They cant pay for the fee so we went back. I saw mom then we went to Tita Dory. I said goodbye to my friends. When I saw my test permit me and my mother decided to roamed around to check the building where me and my sister will take the exam. Uggghhh, my feet hurts. The building are so far from each other so we just take a jeepney. Then Kablam! We saw the buildings. Then we went back again. I got irritated then. :))

      I will be in Malcolm Hall (Law center..blahblah) at 12:30 pm on August 3 (Sunday). So it is sooo hot :)). When we are ready to went out the university, rain poured. DAMN! We went to canteen na lng to eat. But then the food didnt satisfy me at all. When the rain stopped, we went home. But before we went home, we went to KFC then we ate. Im soo full. Then that's it. FIN!

             This crappy feeling makes me feel so unease. I have many things that I really want to achieve in my life but Im afraid that I will not attain them because of the simple reason that my parents dont support me at all with the things that I really want. Im so afraid to force them to support me with my course cause Im too afraid to disappoint them. I dont want them to regret something. Its okay for me to regret everything about their desired subject but honestly, Im not happy. I wanna be free. I want to be happy in my college life and I want it to be memorable. But how?

             When I was a kid, I want to be a social worker but my father told me that I would be a great soldier. So I aim to be a good soldier so I wont disappoint them. Im a little tomboy when I was in my elementary grades. But deep in my heart I know Im not and I am only doing that thing to make my parents proud. I always pretend that I am strong and crying for me is only an act of weakness. Until I reach my high school years. I felt so much pressure in my first year. And then I realize that I love designing, drawings and everything that is coordinated with arts. Something poped on my mind, I want to be an architect or an interior designer. That's what I want. My parents didnt mention to me that I will enter in PMA. Until I saw the application form that my sister gave me. I felt chills all around my body. They want me take the test. They believe that I can pass the examination. But I have a fear in this little room in my heart. Suddenly, applicants should be atleast 17 years old.. HAHA! Boo-hoo! But they want me to take accountancy. Whaatta! What kind of life I have. I dont know what is the real plan of our great Director. But I hope that it is good. I am a barbie doll. Other people wants me to  be perfect. Im not perfect and I am not trying to be...

RULES IN LIFE

16. Dapat mas matalino ka sa kanya o kaya mas kasing talino lang kayo para di ka nya malait (tama diba?!)

17. Tayo ay tinatawag na INDIBIDWAL, kaya naman ang buhay ng iba ay hindi natin dapat pakialaman dahil sila ay INDIBIDWAL, may sariling isip at damdamin... at higit sa lahat ay may sariling pananaw sa mga bagay-bagay.

18. Dapat lahat ng Pilipino alam ang Phil. Constitution 1986.


21. Kapag walang magawa, mag internet... libre naman.

22. Pag nagkabahay ako, lalagyan ko ng solar panels, para renewable ang energy source ko, bawas polusyon at bawas kita ng meralco.

23. Dapat mag care tayo lahat sa environment. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nito ay hindi tayo kumain ng meat. OK lang kumain ng meat (syempre favorite ko ung baka!)

24. Kumain ng kumain hanggat bata pa. Kasi pag tanda mo lahat bawal. Kumain ng ice crea, cake, bulalo, baka, sweets... lahat lahat na... before it's too late.

25. Magsipilyo at maligo palagi para makabawas sa polusyon.

26. Hindi masamang sumagot sa nakatatanda, basta siguraduhin mo lang na may punto ka at hindi mo sila sinasagot sa rude na paraan... sumagot meaning magpaliwanag.

27. Huwag mantatalit ng kapwa, unless nilalait ka nila... at kung hindi maganda ung ginagawa nila... OK lang laitin sila, kasi mali naman talaga sila e!

28. Kapag alam mong wala kang ibubuga, wag ka nang magsalita.

29. Ang mga tao, kapag malalim na sinasabi mo... DI NA NILA NAIINTINDIHAN.. Dami kasing slow sa mundo.
 

Here we are again...
       Summertime is over and school time is here :| Im gonna miss summer! But Im not missing you (you know who you are.HAHA! ). I already discovered summer blahs now. I really dont enjoy my first day at all because:

1) I didnt brought my card and my mom call me irresponsible. WTF? I didnt know at all that we are supposed to bring our cards with us. And beside the fact that I am not present in our register's day no one told me that I should bring my damn card. And again Im stupid and I hate people when they degrade me eventhough I dont care at all.

2) I didnt enjoy my friends' company now. Ugghh, Idk if the feelings change for a short span of time or the problem is within me. Sorry for this guys, I still love you anyway and I still care for you guys but Idk what's happening. I hope this friendship will not end again cause Im so tired of being a random friend. I love how we laugh a while ago guys :)) but Im not happy at all.

3) Im starting to miss Milrose and the Faraday people again. Ive been in their company for more than 15 days and I miss our everyday routine and ofcourse I miss Wesleyan College. I almost spent my summer vacation in WC. And I can still remember the days when Milrose and I go to cr and sharing each other stories. And when we are walking together to be able to reach the LRT and the Pacific Regency. I wanna bring back those days.

       But to be honest at all, I didnt miss my classmates a lot and I know they also didnt. Cause I know we have our own lives after school. I'll be meeting our teachers' for each subject tomorrow. Yay! Im kinda nervous cause Im afraid that I cant meet their expectations but then Im so happy cause I will never meet Mr. Quizon (our math teacher to be) cause he always brought me chills eventhough I havent met him pa. HAHAHA! 

Mutya ka Baleling sa katahum
Timgas pa sa puti nga baybayon
Sa kasingkasing ka panganduyon
Perlas ka nga angay gyud angkonon


Tila na Baleling layo-layo
Si Tangkay Baleling pasibuto
Bangkaw-banal Baleling matayo
Utol kaw Baleling pamalayo


Narration:

Mutya ka Baleling sa katahum
Timgas sa puti nga baybayon
Sa kasingkasing ka panganduyon
Perlas ka nga angay gyud angkonon


Kon ikaw Baleling ang mawala
Kon ikaw Baleling di ko makita
Gugma ko Baleling magahulat
Taliwala ning lawod sa mga luha...